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06-18-09, 03:09 PM Thanks!


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Welcome to the new 2009 edition of getting to know your family and friends.

Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun.

There are NO right or wrong answers

You can send this to a bunch of people you know. The easiest way to do it is to hit 'forward' so you can change the answers or copy and paste. Have fun and be truthful!

1. What is your occupation right now?

2. What color are your socks right now?

3. What are you listening to right now?

4. What was the last thing that you ate?

5. Can you drive a stick shift?

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

8.. How old are you today?

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?

10. What is your favorite drink?

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?

12. Favorite food?

13. What is the last movie you watched?

14. Favorite day of the year?

15. How do you vent anger?

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?

17. What is your favorite season? l

18. Cherries or Blueberries?

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?

20. Who is the most likely to respond?

21. Who is least likely to respond?

22. Living arrangements?

23. When was the last time you cried?

24. What is on the floor of your closet?

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this
to?

26. What did you do last night?

27. What are you most afraid of?

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?

29. Favorite dog breed?

30. Favorite day of the week?

31. How many states have you lived in?

32. Diamonds or pearls?

33. What is your favorite flower?
06-18-09, 03:44 PM Thanks!


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and I wanted to share it with the forum community...
You probably have seen it before, but it is still funny...Enjoy!


This is beautiful!

Ol Gar



[INDENT]Subject: The Ol' Prospector

An old prospector walked his tired old mule into a Western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months Without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to And Tied his mule to the Hitch post. As he stood there brushing some of the Dust From his face and Clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon With A gun in one Hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and Laughed, Saying, 'Hey old man, you ever danced?'

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'Nope, I never did dance. Just never wanted to.'

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger Said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at The Old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and Everybody was Laughing.

When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he Holstered His gun and Turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man Reached Up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making A Double clicking sound.

The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got Quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down Both Barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, 'You ever kissed a mule's behind?' The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'Nope... But I've always wanted to.'


The two lessons are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
-----------------
I just love a story with a happy ending...
[/INDENT]
06-18-09, 03:50 PM Thanks!


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Date: 1/9/2008 9:40:11 AM (PST)
From: Gary Wilsey <gwilsey>

This is too true to be very funny!

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual
manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending

YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising

agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective
in one of its releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes,

at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans.

It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division . .

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu, is presently asking the Congress
for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans.
Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans

(every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans,
your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four,
your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C .. HELLO! ...
Are all your calculators broken?


Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.

Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.

Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me to my doom!'

And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Perm it Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.



STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
and
our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt,

had the largest middle class in the world,
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'

And I still have to 'press 1' for English.

I hope this goes around
THE USA at least 100 times

What the heck happened?


Ol Gar =
06-18-09, 04:08 PM Thanks!


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Date: 12/24/2007 11:00:02 PM (PST)
From: Gary Wilsey <gwilsey>


Subject: A Few LIL Stories


AAH...THE SECRET TO A HAPPY LIFE!
A person walking by, noticed an old lady sitting on her front step, so he walked up to her and said, 'I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?'

'I smoke ten cigars a day,' she said. '....and before I go to bed, I roll and smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a six-pack of beer every day, a fifth of Jack Daniels every week...and eat only junk food.

On week-ends, I pop pills with some biker-dudes and do no exercise at all.'

'That is absolutely amazing at your age!', says the highly impressed walker. 'How old are you?' 'Thirty-four next month,' she replied.



The Half-Wit
A man owned a small farm in Indiana. The Indiana State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help, and they sent an agent out to interview him and his hired help.

'I'll need a list of your employees and how much you pay each one of them,' demanded the agent.

' Well,' replied the farmer, '...there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. And, let's see ....the cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus her free room and board.

....Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. Oh, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'Aha!! That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit,' says the agent, wringing his hands with glee at finding the person being taken advantage of.....

'Well...' sighed the farmer, '....that would be me.'

My thought for the day...I was always taught to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder to find some.........!





Many of us 'more mature' folks will remember 'Old Ed.' I knew a man who flew with him in WWI...one of the original 'Hat in the Ring' volunteers, who pioneered what would later become the U. S. Air Force. Years ago, my friend came to visit me. I arranged a tour of the Air Force Academy for him. They really rolled out the red carpet for him..... including lunch with the Commanding General. Those WWI aviators were a breed apart. Merry Christmas! Darrell
06-18-09, 04:16 PM Thanks!


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Date: 12/24/2007 11:00:02 PM (PST)
From: Gary Wilsey <gwilsey>

Subject: A Few LIL Stories (continued)


'A Beautiful Story'

It happens every Friday evening, almost without fail, when the sun resembles a giant orange and is starting to dip into the blue ocean. Old Ed comes strolling along the beach to his favorite pier. Clutched in his bony hand is a bucket of shrimp.

Ed walks out to the end of the pier, where it seems he almost has the world to himself. The glow of the sun is a golden bronze now. Everybody's gone, except for a few joggers on the beach. Standing out on the end of the pier, Ed is alone with his thoughts....and his bucket of shrimp.

Before long, however, he is no longer alone. Up in the sky a thousand white dots come screeching and squawking, winging their way toward that lanky frame standing there on the end of the pier. Before long, dozens of seagulls have enveloped him, their wings fluttering and flapping wildly. Ed stands there tossing shrimp to the hungry birds. As he does, if you listen closely, you can hear him say with a smile, 'Thank you. Thank you.'

In a few short minutes the bucket is empty. But Ed doesn't leave. He stands there lost in thought, as though transported to another time and place. Invariably, one of the gulls lands on his sea-bleached, weather-beaten hat - an old military hat he's been wearing for years.


When he finally turns around and begins to walk back toward the beach, a few of the birds hop along the pier with him until he gets to the stairs, and then they, too, fly away. And old Ed quietly makes his way down to the end of the beach and on home.

If you were sitting there on the pier with your fishing line in the water, Ed might seem like 'a funny old duck,' as my dad used to say. Or, 'a guy that's a sandwich shy of a picnic,' as my kids might say. To onlookers, he's just another old codger, lost in his own weird world, feeding the seagulls with a bucket full of shrimp.

To the onlooker, rituals can look either very strange or very empty. They can seem altogether unimportant ....maybe even a lot of nonsense. Old folks often do strange things, at least in the eyes of Boomers and Busters. Most of them would probably write Old Ed off, down there in Florida. That's too bad. They'd do well to know him better.

His full name: Eddie Rickenbacker. He was a famous hero back in World War II. On one of his flying missions across the Pacific, he and his seven-member crew went down. Miraculously, all of the men survived, crawled out of their plane, and climbed into a life raft.

Captain Rickenbacker and his crew floated for days on the rough waters of the Pacific. They fought the sun. They fought sharks. Most of all, they fought hunger. By the eighth day their rations ran out. No food. No water.


They were hundreds of miles from land and no one knew where they were. They needed a miracle. That afternoon they had a simple devotional service and prayed for a miracle. They tried to nap. Eddie leaned back and pulled his military cap over his nose. Time dragged. All he could hear was the slap of the waves against the raft.

Suddenly, Eddie felt something land on the top of his cap. It was a seagull! Old Ed would later describe how he sat perfectly still, planning his next move. With a flash of his hand and a squawk from the gull, he managed to grab it and wring its neck.

He tore the feathers off, and he and his starving crew made a meal - a very slight meal for eight men - of it. Then they used the intestines for bait. With it, they caught fish, which gave them food and more bait......and the cycle continued. With that simple survival technique, they were able to endure the rigors of the sea until they were found and rescued. (after 24 days at sea...)

Eddie Rickenbacker lived many years beyond that ordeal, but he never forgot the sacrifice of that first lifesaving seagull. And he never stopped saying, 'Thank you.'


That's why almost every Friday night he would walk to the end of the pier with a bucket full of shrimp and a heart full of gratitude.


(Max Lucado, In The Eye of the Storm, pp.221, 225-226)

PS: Eddie was also an Ace in WW I and started Eastern Airlines back in the 30's.
06-18-09, 04:22 PM Thanks!


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Date: 12/24/2007 11:00:02 PM (PST)
From: Gary Wilsey <gwilsey>

Subject: A Few LIL Stories (conclusion)


HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD
AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.



George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.



He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no.' Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.



George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.


'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.
Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them.' Then he hung up.


Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.


One of the Policemen said to George:
'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'


George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'



(True Story) I LOVE IT -
Don't mess with old people!



Ol Gar =
06-18-09, 07:15 PM Thanks!


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and I wanted to shared them with the forum community...Enjoy!


Subject: Jokes That Can Be Told IN Church

*Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' ** The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

***

*A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'

***

*Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
*The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
*The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

***

*An elderly woman died last month. Having never married , she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'

***

*A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'

***

*A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem .. A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'

***

*A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

***

*At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'

***

*Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.'

***

*You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh. I thought you would enjoy this....times are tough right now...for all of us...so we need something to make the day a happy place. "They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet.
06-19-09, 02:47 PM Thanks!


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Think you know everything?

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead....I'll wait...

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your A**)
LOL

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you ?)
(That women are going the 'right' direction...?)

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN !

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer...So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.

Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR !

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but, not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

And the best for last....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(I know some people like that, don't you?)

So...Remember, knowledge is everything, so pass it on...and go move your toothbrush!
06-20-09, 12:49 PM Thanks!


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Different Ways of Looking at Things

[LEFT]A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
--------------------------------------------------------- [/LEFT]

[LEFT]'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
--------------------------------------------------------- [/LEFT]

[LEFT]A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
----------------------------------- [/LEFT]


An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he could remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' [LEFT]----------------------------------- [/LEFT]


[LEFT]Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: [/LEFT]
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
[LEFT]----------------------------------- [/LEFT]

[LEFT]A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City? The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' Thank you,' the blonde says and hangs up.
----------------------------------- [/LEFT]

[LEFT]Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
----------------------------------- [/LEFT]

[LEFT]Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'[/LEFT]
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
[LEFT]----------------------------------- [/LEFT]

[LEFT]A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!'
-----------------------------------[/LEFT]

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.
[LEFT]----------------------------------- [/LEFT]

[LEFT]And, the best is:
The graveside service had just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, &#8220;Well, she's there.[/LEFT]
06-21-09, 03:46 PM Thanks!


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and thought the forum community would
be interested in this piece of information...


HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


The U.. S. Geological Service issued a report in April ('08) that only scientists and oil men knew was coming, but man was it big. It was a revised report (hadn't been updated since '95) on how much oil was in this area of the western 2/3 of North Dakota; western South Dakota; and extreme eastern Montana .... check THIS out:

[INDENT]The Bakken is the largest domestic oil discovery since Alaska 's Prudhoe Bay, and has the potential to eliminate all American dependence on foreign oil.

The Energy Information Administration (EIA) estimates it at 503 billion barrels.. Even if just 10% of the oil is recoverable... at $107 a barrel, we're looking at a resource base worth more than $5.3 trillion.

'When I first briefed legislators on this, you could practically see their jaws hit the floor. They had no idea.' says Terry Johnson, the Montana Legislature's financial analyst.

'This sizable find is now the highest-producing onshore oil field found in the past 56 years.' reports, The Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

It's a formation known as the Williston Bas in , but is more commonly referred to as the 'Bakken.' And it stretches from Northern Montana, through North Dakota and into Canada.


For years, U. S. oil exploration has been considered a dead end. Even the 'Big Oil' companies gave up searching for major oil wells decades ago.

However, a recent technological breakthrough has opened up the Bakken's massive reserves.... and we now have access of up to 500 billion barrels.

And because this is light, sweet oil, those billions of barrels will cost Americans just $16 PER BARREL!

That's enough crude to fully fuel the American economy for 41 years straight.

2. And if THAT didn't throw you on the floor, then this next one should - because it's from TWO YEARS AGO!

U. S. Oil Discovery- Largest Reserve in the World!

Stansberry Report Online - 4/20/2006
Hidden 1,000 feet beneath the surface of the Rocky Mountains lies the largest untapped oil reserve in the world. It is more than 2 TRILLION barrels.


On August 8, 2005 President Bush mandated its extraction. In three and a half years of high oil prices none has been extracted. With this motherload of oil why are we still fighting over off-shore drilling?

They reported this stunning news: We have more oil inside our borders, than all the other proven reserves on earth. Here are the official estimates:

- 18-times as much oil as Iraq
- 21-times as much oil as Kuwait
- 22-times as much oil as Iran
- 500-times as much oil as Yemen
- and it's all right here in the Western United States.


HOW can this BE?
HOW can we NOT BE extracting this?
Because the nvironmentalists and others have blocked all efforts to help America become independent of foreign oil!


Again, we are letting a small group of people dictate our lives and our economy.... WHY?


James Bartis, lead researcher with the study says we've got more oil in this very compact area than the entire Middle East -more than 2 TRILLION barrels untapped.


That's more than all the proven oil reserves of crude oil in the world today, reports The Denver Post.

Don't think 'OPEC' will drop its price - even with this find? Think again! It's all about the competitive marketplace, - it has to.


Think OPEC just might be funding the environmentalists?

Got your attention/ire up yet?
Hope so!


Now, while you're thinking about it .... and hopefully P.O'd, do this:

3. Pass this along..If you don't take a little time to do this, then you should stifle yourself the next time you want to complain about gas prices .. because by doing NOTHING, you've forfeited your right to complain.

By the way...this is all true. Check it out at the link below!

GOOGLE it or follow this link. It will blow your mind..
[B]http://www.usgs.gov/newsroom/article.asp?ID=1911[/B]
[/INDENT]
06-21-09, 03:58 PM Thanks!


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that I thought the forum community would enjoy...


YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses...

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

9... You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

10. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

11 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. (Naughty me went back and changed the numbering!)

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends You know you want to.

--

LAUGHTER is the BEST medicine!
06-24-09, 09:09 AM Thanks!


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16 Cowboy rules for:

> COWBOY WANNABE’S and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
>
> 1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
>
> 3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
>
> 4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
>
> 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
>
> 6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
>
> 8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
>
> 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
>
> 10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
>
> 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
>
> 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
>
> 13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
>
> 14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
>
> 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
>
> 16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
>
> A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!

=

Ol Gar
Date: 6/23/2009
From: Gary Wilsey
<gwilsey>
06-24-09, 09:15 AM Thanks!


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The perfect retirement plan--------


From:The Times - London

Outside the Bristol Zoo in England there is a parking lot for 500 cars and 100 coaches or buses.

It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars 1 pound (about $1.40) and coaches 5 pounds (about $7)
This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years.

Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work.

"Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management - "We'd better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant..."

"Err ... no", said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility."

"Err ... no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?"

"Err ... NO!" insisted the Council.

Sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, is a guy who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at 700 pounds (about $ 1000 ) per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over 6.5 million pounds ($ 11 million)!

And no one ever knew his name. It had been a FREE unmanned car park, with a barrier and booth! It appears that he had just set up in the booth with his own uniform and started collecting money and tickets.

For 26 years he had worked for nobody !

He cleaned and painted the car park and because it was well run no one ever questioned it. He painted - had the lawns mowed - bins emptied etc....etc.....nobody challenged him.

In fact it appears that he was simply pocketing the car park money as the council and the zoo both assumed that the other ran the car park !

At no point did either notice the lack of accounts for it from either party simply because each thought the other ran it ! Apparently it appears he simply saved the money then retired to Spain. The Spanish connection comes in because he left a sombrero in the booth!

It appears that he was believed to come from Gypsy Origins and was living below the radar. Quiet and unassuming he was below the Social Security Radar. Paid no tax, no stamps, in fact no anything! Police could find no bank account

He had no name he was simply called " Old Parky " by everybody. Nobody knew where he lived or how old he was. In plain view everyday for 26 years he was quite simply invisible! The perfect criminal - the perfect crime - and who did he steal from? Neither the council or the zoo appeared to have the 500 car car park on its properties. and the land it was on appeared to have no owner being officially " Common Land "

If I ever meet him, I would buy him lunch !
06-24-09, 12:41 PM Thanks!
gregop

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Very funny story even though not true. lol

http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/carpark.asp
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06-24-09, 12:52 PM Thanks!


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Very funny story even though not true. lol

http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/carpark.asp


Have deleted the post so you can remove this!
06-29-09, 01:30 PM Thanks!


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Very funny story even though not true. lol

http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/carpark.asp



Your keeping watch on postings in my Blog is rather perplexing to me since I only put them here for ENTERTAINMENT purposes, not because they may or may not be true...

Anybody reading them probably knows that you cannot believe everything and they should be able to see the posting for what it is...A GOOD LAUGH!
06-29-09, 01:40 PM Thanks!


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Subject: Thought You Might Enjoy These...

Ol Gar (Gary Wilsey) --- Date: 6/29/2009 --- From: gwilsey


Scotch with Two (2) Drops of Water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up,' says the bartender As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up,' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'





'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless pulls a ll the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.


'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND


'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure these are jokes?
06-30-09, 07:37 PM Thanks!
gregop

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Your keeping watch on postings in my Blog is rather perplexing to me since I only put them here for ENTERTAINMENT purposes, not because they may or may not be true...

Anybody reading them probably knows that you cannot believe everything and they should be able to see the posting for what it is...A GOOD LAUGH!


WOW, pardon me! I kept watch on your blog because I enjoyed it very much, and found the stories nice and funny. I'm terribly sorry you found it irritating that I imparted information about the validity of a story I thought you or others may not realize wasn't true. I was under the absurd impression the particular ones I commented on were being touted as true stories. Now that I understand they are not, I shall refrain from further comment.
Thank you
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06-30-09, 09:34 PM Thanks!


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WOW, pardon me! I kept watch on your blog because I enjoyed it very much, and found the stories nice and funny. I'm terribly sorry you found it irritating that I imparted information about the validity of a story I thought you or others may not realize wasn't true. I was under the absurd impression the particular ones I commented on were being touted as true stories. Now that I understand they are not, I shall refrain from further comment.
Thank you


Pardon this rather outspoken old broad...
I have a bad habit of inserting foot into mouth before engaging brain...
I hope you will continue to come back to read the postings here from time-to-time...
06-30-09, 09:40 PM Thanks!


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Ol Gar (Gary Wilsey - My Ex)
Subject: Great Picture, Greater Words
Sent: 6/29/2009 - From: <gwilsey>



This is a Great Picture and the guy with his back to the
camera seems to know what he is talking about.






















So I said to him, "Barack, I know Abe Lincoln, and you ain't Abe Lincoln."

You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away
people's initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them,
what they could and should do for themselves.

.....Abraham Lincoln